I Have a Pen and I am Not Afraid to Use It

Well, sort of. I do have a pen. And most of the time, I pick it up and scribble with no more thought than a passing whim. Check writing, calendar entries, lists (I make lists like no one's business), all those college forms my almost-freshman daughter needs to have filled out and signed. Oh, yes, and the occasional letter to the editor or public comment in front of the local school board (some of you know exactly what I'm talking about).

(Pardon me while I have a small musical interlude here--my daughter is playing the theme to Amelie on the piano.)




Okay, back to the pen. Most of the time, I do not have any difficulty whatsoever saying what I want to say, being blatantly (some might use the adverb "rudely") honest. I suppose I could be described as opinionated, or merely confident. Regardless of what people think, I try not to be swayed just because popular opinion travels in the other direction. In other words, I have the strength of my convictions to bolster me. Of course, I do try not to be offensive when I am in the minority, but mainly that's because I don't want the crap kicked out of me.

So why is it that I sometimes have difficulty picking up that pen to finish this novel?? Six years is a long time to be working on this project. It really is almost done. Mere moments away from "The End," in fact. But I know that a couple things are working against me.

Obstacle One: Me
That's right, I am my own worst critic/enemy. It isn't ready yet. It isn't good enough. The competition is better. Whatever. I am working on changing the language of my internal monologue. It is good enough. It is actually better than good enough. It is just what Agent X is looking for.

Obstacle Two: Me
Really? Why, yes. Yes it is. It's that whole stupid fear thing. Fear that once I finish this, I won't have any other stories to tell. That I will be finished. You've heard of the sophomore slump, right? That second CD or that movie sequel that never quite lives up to the debut. Yup. That's what I worry about. So I have to tell myself, codswallop! (I love that word, don't you?) My little Moleskin notebook (which travels with me everywhere) is already chock-full of new story ideas. And I have two other novels in draft. I am not a one-trick pony, thank you very much.

Obstacle Three: I'll give you two guesses
Shocker, I know. When you've worked on something for so long, something that comes from a deep place in the soul, it is hard to let go of it. But my baby is just about ready to leave the nest, and I'm not talking about my daughter. I need to push this one out the door so I can give the other babies what they need to grow into novels.

After my homespun therapy session, today was a great writing day with my group. Eight pages re-written, and more tweaked. A character name finally figured out (and it's a good one!). Resolve strengthened. Obstacles? What obstacles? I have a query to write.